09.15 | it was adhd "rejection sensitivity" all along?

A lot of different flowers make a bouquet
– Alleged Islamic Proverb

✉️ letter #7

I'm kind of shook, y'all.

On one of my very many recent Youtube rabbit holes, I came across the term "rejection sensitivity" or RSD aka "rejection sensitive dysphoria" as one of the frequent symptoms of ADHD and I had one of those wtf mind is blown moments.

Because what?!

You mean not everyone feels a black pit immediately form and choke off their stomach whenever the answer is "no" to something, even when you're the one who has to say "no"?

You mean not everyone anxiously plans their escape from conversations before the other person could possibly get bored and leave first?

You mean not everyone obsessively thinks up every scenario that could lead to a consensus NOT being formed at whatever meeting they're leading?

You mean not everyone will spend the next decade haunted by that ultra-cringe-worthy time you asked for an autograph from a favorite musician and he kinda looked at you like "really?" and you wanted to die so hard you could no longer listen to his music ever again?

Apparently there is a large subset of people who are able to go "oh disappointing," shrug it off, and then go about their day like nothing happened, instead of spending the next month mentally remapping the entire strategy of what should have been done to make sure that the requisite number of people did a thing I was hoping they'd do.

According to WebMD, "Up to 99% of teens and adults with ADHD are more sensitive than usual to rejection. And nearly 1 in 3 say it's the hardest part of living with ADHD."

And apparently there's medication for it - you know, besides the copious amounts of wine I usually drink at social situations to untighten my chest enough to approach a stranger (or even an acquaintance!) and potentially be ignored.

I'd always chalked it up to some nurture-esque mix of tough Asian parenting and Gifted Kid Burnout, but apparently even people who lived through those experiences don't feel highly teeth-set-on-edge uncomfortable asking service staff for an upgrade.

In case the words "no" - both hearing and saying it - also immediately triggers a helpless depression you then have to walk yourself back from... well, apparently that's just our brains being off kilter. Does that make it better or worse? I don't know.

Also, yes, I missed a week of this newsletter :(. All my emotional regulation skills last week were emptied on dampening rage response to interactions that were happening too frequently for me to take a breath. Would you believe it, almost one a day!

Surprisingly, none of them had to do with rejection - just how abjectly frustrating the other party was. Amazing how much dealing with things you find stupid really short circuits your own ability to be creative. I recommend removing as much stupid from your life as you possibly can, as I now am working towards.

🌱 the ethical ideas newsreel

• After goodness knows how much campaigning, Harvard University has finally said it would divest itself from fossil fuels. Subtle shout out that "get your university to divest from fossil fuels" was one of the tasks I listed as a way to combat climate change while you're traveling 😉.
• Scientists have found a new chemical process that turns stinky, toxic hydrogen sulfide (aka "sewer") gas into a clean-burning fuel. Sewer gas is a byproduct of industrial activities, and the process uses relatively little energy from a pretty cheap material. Fantastic!
• So that IUCN Congress (the one big global meeting that had indigenous groups at the table for the first time) wrapped up last week. They've overwhelmingly endorsed this comprehensive blueprint to halt and reverse biodiversity loss.
• We better get these plans set in motion though. Apparently young people are especially prone to "climate anxiety" and becoming nihilists. Says a study, "Qualitative studies show climate anxiety is associated with perceptions of inadequate action by adults and governments, feelings of betrayal, abandonment and moral injury."
• "Private capital is absolutely necessary for financing the global food system's transition." An interesting point if not one I'm completely sure I totally agree with, but this op-ed in Project Syndicate certainly lays the groundwork for thinking about it.

🎵 song of my week

A little bit of alt-pop for your week with Critter's PFC - a fun song with an incredibly catchy and repeatable chorus: "I'm not that pretty, but I'm pretty fucking cool."

✨enjoying: one final piece of pop culture fun

Okay, so this feels a little off brand for me. There is absolutely nothing I find super appealing about the "white girl instagram" aesthetic that these ladies are selling, and I found the vocal tics in the first couple episodes (very 2000s Paris Hilton without the camp) kind of grating but...

I don't know. I could not with how Pumpkin Spice these girls were, but I was also YAS QUEEN when they had a seriously smart discussion about which renovations to prioritize, or revised designs to be cheaper & more COVID-friendly once the pandemic hit, or mentored their incredibly young GM to be empowered to come up with solutions to new problems.

I think there's something to be said that's incredibly relieving about seeing people do something competently. Especially for me right now, watching two women try and succeed at understanding their own brand, understanding their customer, and renovating a run-down motel to be something that matches that brand and customer made me want to stand up and applaud.

Even if they were using terms like "Girl Boss" and "Live Love Rosé" unironically.

Yes, they are making over a motel and they reference Schitt's Creek. And WHY YES, that's probably because it takes place in Canada, which has been surprisingly good at producing weird wholesome "middle America but somehow not quite" home renovation content this side of Property Bros.

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