05.03 | seasonality for the mind & body

✉️ letter #64

A few months ago in February, I got to volunteer at a Black History Month event about bringing holistic wellness in underserved communities. One of the event panelists, who works in a community garden in a NYCHA complex, made a really salient point that’s stuck with me ever since. She pointed out that it was strange that we all strove to make and then do our resolutions in January.

🎼 the soundtrack | Pictures of You - Drugdealer, Kate Bollinger

In most of the Global North, January is winter. And winter, she said, was for resting. So if we had been running around trying to create our new selves right after the clock struck midnight on the old year, it wouldn’t be strange to be utterly exhausted a few weeks… even days… in. Take a hint from nature, she encouraged, and allow yourself to rest. Get cozy and replenish yourself, your body and mind will thank you for it when it blooms as everything else blooms.

Now it’s May, which means we’re smack dab in the middle of Spring.

Admittedly outside of some brilliant displays of cherry blossoms (I recorded some shots of the esplanade in Brooklyn Botanic Garden here), it hasn’t really felt like it weather-wise here in New York City. I’m still afraid to put away my winter coat in case an 80-degree day drops quickly into a 45-degree one.

And yet, after a winter where I gave myself ample time to rest — and wow, what a thoroughly enjoyable winter that was — I am finding myself, almost despite myself, “blooming.” What this means for me is that, without forcing it, almost automatically, I’ve been seeing surprising progress on a lot of the goals I’d set for myself around the time that I was returning from China.

• I learned to drive and then I drove in a road trip that, for your sakes, I won’t account again (but hey, watch the video!)
• I’ve upped the amount of time I’ve spent practicing languages, and… I can actually say simple phrases in French now? I mean, considering I’d started the lessons on Duolingo just because I’ve been joking about how it was the only romance language I couldn’t pronounce out loud, I didn’t expect I’d one day be hitting a 60-day streak of explaining what my cat eats and how I could potentially commute to l’ecole.
• I’ve been learning how to dance ballroom and… I’m doing it in front of strangers this coming weekend! The school I signed up for is having a showcase day and I’m apparently “dancing” 20 “heats” across the waltz, foxtrot, tango, east coast swing, rhumba, bachata, cha cha and… I think the hustle? Do I actually know the basics for all of these things? I guess I’ll find out soon!
• I published stuff semi-regularly on social media. I know this maybe sounds like a silly and potentially an internet dystopian thing to worry about, but my socials have always served as a secondary check-in of sorts. Since I have the emotional memory of a goldfish, when the vibes are bad, it feels like they have always been bad and will always be bad forever. My feeds are a set of reminders that, actually, that is a cognitive distortion. Thus when I no longer have the easy reminder that I wasn’t an antisocial layabout who went nowhere and accomplished nothing because wide chunks of my year disappeared into the ether after I couldn’t muster up the energy to write anything... my sadness is legitimate.
• I finally made unemployment insurance happen for me, a process that took over a dozen phone calls and several emails to my assemblymembers across four months to get working. I realize I’m super lucky in that I wasn’t actually destitute these last four months, and so this is basically me fighting for the social security I’d previously been paying into out of principles sake, but that just makes me feel awful for all the people who would REQUIRE unemployment insurance to be able to afford groceries. The whole experience was insane, filled with hacks that shouldn’t work but are the only things that work, and maybe that’s something we should all talk about more?
• And just as Spring sprung and my unemployment insurance started coming in, the job search process just kind of naturally began… Despite my best efforts to live the lazy girl life, I keep on getting into conversations about where to go next in my career. That’s probably a good thing (sighs in re-joining the rat race).

Which is all to say… I think I’ve learned, for the first time in my life, what it means to rest and why it really matters. I have spent most of my adult life basically burning out over and over again, taking small breaks that barely made a dent in my stress levels and then wondering why I bothered to rest at all, since it just meant more work for me after rest of over, and, it never stopped my body from routinely collapsing into a deep void anyway so I might as well get everything done now, while I do have some fuel left…

It turns out, medically, burnout actually takes a while to recover from. One study on clinical burnout put it at “around three months,” but noted that, if the case was super bad, it could take a year or two. That’s a horrifying prospect. Very few of us can afford to spend a year or two separated from the very system that’s burning us out that badly in the first place. Ironically, the internet literature on burnout loves to talk about how the system can’t afford to keep burning us out.

For me, I think I started to feel noticeably better sometime in March - more able to concentrate, more interested in creating instead of forcing myself to create, more eager to connect to people and explore ideas. And I suppose one of the ideas I’d like to continue exploring is how to bring this equilibrium with me into the next half (hopefully, this is just the halfway point) of my life. This, of course, involves advocating for a fairer work ecosystem in general, as futile as doing that sometimes seems in late-stage capitalism. But it also involves a personal philosophy shift that recognizes that our bodies and minds must cycle through stages, much like the seasons.

For a good harvest, you need to have time to grow things. To grow things, you need to first have had time to sow things. And to sow things that can grow and be harvested, you need a land that’s rested. So go rest, god damn it.

🪢related threads

It feels like we especially need rest just to deal with the deluge of "oh man, I thought we could pretend we didn't live in this type of society for a little longer" bad news we're inundated with every day:

• Students at Columbia protesting the ongoing genocide in Gaza were rounded up in a shockingly violent way by police, including by one officer who "accidentally" fired a gun. Adam Tooze bore witness, "There was no riot last night at Columbia any more than there has been at any other point. The violence came from the police side and it came at the invitation and request of the University administration..." while also putting it into the context of bigger global protests and ongoing initiatives to battle coercive power. [Chartbook]
• In case you needed a reminder of one reason why there are student protests here: "A special State Department panel recommended months ago that Secretary of State Antony Blinken disqualify multiple Israeli military and police units from receiving U.S. aid after reviewing allegations that they committed serious human rights abuses. But Blinken has failed to act on the proposal... Multiple State Department officials who have worked on Israeli relations said that Blinken’s inaction has undermined Biden’s public criticism [of Netanyahu], sending a message to the Israelis that the administration was not willing to take serious steps. [ProPublica]
• "We have entered, in a sense, an alternative reality, passing through the looking glass and into a realm where the chain that ties signifier to signified has been sundered. When the same lies and distortions are repeated again and again, they begin to take on a sense of reality — and reality itself, viewed through a distorted lens, becomes unrecognizable." Saree Makdisi's harrowing collection of essays as the atrocities continued (and continue) to unfold. [n+1]

and also...

• From ignoring important information to outright deception - here's ExxonMobil deliberately obfuscating research confirming fossil fuel's role in global warming. n 2015, it hit back at Inside Climate News' reports of its knowledge with a campaign calling their reporting "misleading," and "baseless." Now, according to a Congressional investigation, Exxon’s communications team grappled internally with how to respond when “we actually don’t dispute much of what these stories report." [Inside Climate News]
• The two stories above are an especially apt reminder of the importance of investigative journalism. A UN report has found that the safety of environmental journalists is especially at risk: "At least 749 journalists, groups of journalists, and news media outlets reporting on environmental issues have been attacked in 89 countries between 2009 and 2023, in all regions of the world." Up 42% from the previous five years and with half of attacks committed by state actors. [UNESCO]

and also, what the hell is going on with Boeing???

• "Joshua Dean, a former quality auditor at Boeing supplier Spirit AeroSystems and one of the first whistleblowers to allege Spirit leadership had ignored manufacturing defects on the 737 MAX, died Tuesday morning after a struggle with a sudden, fast-spreading infection." He's the second Boeing whistleblower to die suddenly in the last month. [Seattle Times]

✨enjoying: a piece of pop culture fun

Wow that took a dark turn. I reiterate, the world is on fire so you really DO need to rest and relax.

I suppose that's why I constantly find myself avoiding any media that's remotely dramatic. Instead, I'm drawn to mildly absurdist anime - the more fuwafuwa (fluffy) the concept, the more I can momentarily soothe my brain and get it ready to face more of the horrors of the everyday.

So, in that vein, here's a list of three recent, really silly anime series that cocoon you in feel good vibes with absolutely no reservations:

Tis Time for Torture, Princess

A human kingdom's Generalissimo Princess is captured by the Demon King's forces and they torture her for information that might help them win the war. What does the torture consist of? Presenting her with delicious food, friendship, and opportunities to cuddle adorable animals.

Mr. Villain's Day Off

One of the head honchos in an evil alien syndicate meant to fight some Power Ranger-style hero group takes his work-life balance incredibly seriously. And one of the way he gets R&R is by obsessing over an animal on earth that he's found too intensely cute: pandas.

The Masterful Cat is Depressed Again

I have been recommending this anime to just about everyone I've come across since sometime in the summer, but I never put it here for whatever reason! Imagine if your useless ass cat actually was the best housekeeper ever, making you seem like the most competent adult in your workplace.

My useless ass cat woke me up at 4am this morning out of loneliness and then, when I kicked her out of my bedroom to sleep, knocked everything she could off my dining table out of revenge. Why can't she cook me dinner and fetch me a beer instead? Is it too much to ask? Just kidding, I can't be mad at her. Look at this sweet stupid animal.

🗨️a final quote

There are always flowers for those who want to see them.
-- Henri Matisse

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