01.24 | why is it so hard to talk money?

I don't know what they want from me
It's like the more money we come across
The more problems we see
– The Notorious B.I.G

✉️ letter #52

I’ve noticed that there are a lot of things in my life where I’m a lot more progressive theoretically than I am in practice. Like vehemently defending how laziness doesn’t exist while secretly shaming myself for being too lazy, advocating against fatphobia while obsessing about losing 20 pounds, applauding the pursuit of all kinks and sexualities while blushing the moment I might have to tell anyone what I’d want in the bedroom.

And most top of my mind right now as I get back in the swing of things here in New York: how I can be expounding on the importance of financial transparency while being very very deeply uncomfortable revealing anything about my own finances.

There was a recent conversation in Ann Helen Peterson's Culture Study about how useful it would be if we could all talk more frankly about money:

What if we created a space where those who’ve been able to buy a home (or make any other large purchase) talked VERY SPECIFICALLY about the specific waypoints on the road to ownership….with a goal of demystifying (and de-glamorizing) the process.

In other words, instead of “we were lucky enough to buy a home,” we say “I received $100,000 in inheritance when my dad passed away young which I added to my $10,000 in savings and I was able to buy a condo in a mid-size Midwestern city with a $1200 monthly payment and an HOA of $150 a month, and I was able to get the mortgage because I had just recently rounded the year mark at my first full-time job.”

Truthfully, I’m all for that. Making paths to “milestones” less hazy is only beneficial to everyone in the long run. I have no doubt that hiding steps to financial success does in fact do nothing but widen inequalities.

But when I think about having a conversation with anyone about my own personal P&L sheet - what was on my last paycheck, my spending versus saving habits, how I ended up owning an apartment here in New York, I blanche.

I viscerally imagine every judgey conversation that would ensue from revealing any of these details.

And the potential barbs are coming from all sides - in my head, there are an equal amount of imaginary adversaries sneering at all the parts where my privilege gave me opportunities not available to everyone else as there are money masterminds disappointed in me for being so terrible at negotiating salaries and navigating investments.

Is this lose-lose situation all just my imagination? Am I just being a big coward about this? Or have other people's frank financial conversations gone as badly as I think it would go?

Currently, one of the more famous advocates for "radical financial transparency" in personal finances is comedian Maria Bamford, who will write out in great public detail exactly how much she earns from everything she does and how much she pays everyone who works for her.

But while apparently her willingness to discuss her earnings with other comedians has allegedly made them more open about their own money math, I feel like the response from her manager encapsulates something of the issue:

"Maria's team has always been completely transparent about their refusal to transparently comment on Maria's transparency."

We all should get more comfortable talking about money, it seems. But like, come on, you first.

🎼 the soundtrack | 在凌晨睡着的自己 (the me who fell asleep in the morning) - 告五人 (gàowǔrén)

I haven't featured any non-English music for a while, and partially it's because I haven't been doing much to discover new songs from outside of the United States. This lovely Taiwanese shoegaze band popped up on my feed recently though and I've really been enjoying them.

🌱 the green light | an eco-focused newsreel

The Associated Press has put together a mini-site on the beautiful if harrowing photography they created in 2023 that documents our changing world. It is really worth a scroll through.

• As cities and systems scale up, does waste scale accordingly? A recent study attempts to predict the future state of urban ecosystems, and suggests the need for a new science of waste. [Envirotec]
• A new training program led by Harvard is offering clinicians interested in climate change lessons in how to do community organizing - after all, the people on the front lines mitigating the perils of climate-impacted health crises are medical practitioners. [Grist]
• Good news - FEMA has just overhauled a disaster aid program that could benefit “environmental justice" communities such as Black Americans living in flood zones. [Inside Climate News]

🪢assorted | food for thought from around the internet

If you've ever seen a regular village chicken and wondered how it could become those fat and juicy hunks of meat on a rotisserie... well, it was all genetically engineered.

This deep dive in Noema Magazine into the history and consequences of the quest to build a "better" chicken is absolutely fascinating. Broiler chickens have been bred to become "less functional animals than meat-growing machines," regularly getting so fat so fast they can't support their own weight.

Which forces those of us who generally try to buy slightly less morally repugnant meat to ask the question: is it possible to have an ethical chicken if cruelty is "inscribed at the genetic level"?

• It's probably not news that chronic stress isn't really good for you, but do you know just how much it harms you? And does finding out just... I don't know, kind of stress you out even more? Here's what it does to your gut. [Nature]
• One of the most cringe things I learned about Elon Musk recently was that the Tesla models he'd created were named such to spell out S3XY. Turns out that's just the cherry on top of how the brand has "tweaked the ways in which dudes enact and assert their dudeliness through cars, ultimately establishing a new form of gendered dominance known in academic circles as “hegemonic masculinity.”" [Mel Magazine]

✨enjoying: one final piece of pop culture fun

The newest season of Queer Eye is out! I've only watched the first episode so far, but it's fitting formulaic Queer Eye to a tearjerking tee. Which is not a complaint. Quite frankly, if you're hitting up Season 8, you're probably into it because you're excited to see some great home renovation, some sometimes questionable fashion choices, and a lot of crying.

Did you enjoy it?

Stalk me on Social Media

Instagram | TikTok | LinkedIN | Twitter | Goodreads | Spotify